Character Pays

WOW, there were lots of sporting events going on this weekend. My high school daughter played in her water polo game, my son had his football game, the NFL was here and the FEDEX Cup had its final showdown which ended in dramatic fashion. 10 million big ones went to Brandt Snedeker, that’s a big payday!

With so much going on, where do you prioritize, or what do you prioritize? Obviously for me, it was my kids games, yard work, car washing, fueling and then a chance to watch some of the golf and of course the San Francisco 49er’s. Unfortunately for me and many other die hard red and gold fans, the 49er’s lost.

There were many story lines this weekend and many tight and wild games, but the game I really enjoyed was the match up between the Baltimore Ravens and the New England Patriots. Not only was it a very exciting game, it was well played on both sides. It also has become a rivalry between the two teams. The game ended in the same fashion as the AFC Championship game last season, but this time the kick made it, slightly, and I mean slightly, between the up-rights!

The story about Torrey Smith really stood out to me. His extra effort in the game was just amazing. Just hours after his nineteen year old brother died in a motorcycle accident, Smith played for his little brother and put up some big numbers for the night. As I listened to the NFL talk radio show on Sirius Satllite, I listened to a story that should inspire us all.

He raised his family on his own. He changed diapers, worked odd jobs, helped his siblings with school work…Torrey did things that we don’t see a lot of young athletes do these days. Instead of going off to a big ten college to just play football, Torrey went off to not only play football, but to help raise and support his family. When most young men go to college to leave that life, Torrey took the opportunity to help his family. That is character! Something we don’t see or hear about often enough.

I look forward to hearing more of these types of stories. It brings hope to a lost culture. A culture that has it’s priorities out of position. It seems that Torrey put his priority on his family and his career was an option to help them live a better life.

Our life is defined by our actions. Our life is about our family and the families we build together in sports, co-workers and our faith communities. Our character can be seen during good times but our true character is exposed in times of desperation and trouble.

The big question today is, how is your character? Who has influenced your growth as a person? What influences your actions? What will you do today that will effect your decisions tomorrow? Will the decisions you make improve your character or will they damage it? It seems that Torrey decided to make a difference in his family out of necessity. Our character stands out in adversity. So next time you are squeezed, remember that your character will be exposed!

The Bench Stinks!    (Bryce in the back field with black socks running to the left)

With the PGATour on hold for a few weeks, I had a chance to watch a little of the Champions Tour before the football game. My elementary school friend Bill Glasson was leading by 5 shots before he struggled on the back 9 to relinquish his lead to Willie Wood who had a great round without a bogey all week.

Like we have mentioned before how tough it is to win on the PGATour. So, without a lot of golf to talk about, let’s talk about football. It was a great weekend for me because my boy scored the winning touch down in over time. He’s a seventh grader with a lot of potential, but doesn’t really understand that part of it yet. I think his real potential is in golf but that’s another discussion.

I was able to watch football all day doo to a nasty cold that had me feeling no better than a lump of poop, I managed to watch more than my fare share of football. After my boy and I finished watching the San Francisco 49er’s win Sunday night, my boy asked me with some seriousness in his 13 year old voice and said, “Dad do you think I could ever be in the NFL?”

“I said B, I think you could, but are you willing to sacrifice some other things to work really hard to get there?”

As we talked about it he mentioned some of the other boys on his team that were not getting a chance to play because of a few different reasons. It may be because they don’t have the skills. Some of the boys have never played football before and need time to develop. He wondered why they weren’t that good with kind of an attitude of, “well I’m just good and they’re not”. I mentioned to him that he had been playing for over four years and that is a big advantage over those boys, so we can’t blame them for that. Heck they might turn around in high school and become the stars.

I told him about my seventh grade experience. Our center on our seventh grade team became the leading high school passer in the valley as a quarter back and set a few records along the way, so you just don’t know. I told him that his job was to encourage and coach those players that were not playing right now.

It is after my son’s game Saturday is what I want to talk about. There were quite a few upset parents. They were upset that their boys didn’t get to play. When my boy started to play for the seventh grade team, they had him on the offensive line because he wasn’t really trying that hard. He thought since he had a fantastic season last year, he was just going to be the starting running back and everything would be the same as last year. He received a rude awakening. He was upset and ready to quit after a few weeks of pre-season practice, until he stepped it up and proved other wise.

Unfortunately at this level, it begins to be about winning. If a boy is not good enough to make the starting line up, he will spend most of the season on the bench. They do have a fifth quarter for those players, but for most of the parents that isn’t enough. Now I know the coaches and they try not to play favorites and put the players in the positions they think will be their best opportunity for winning.

One of the problems in the first two games they have played, the score has not been in our favor and both wins came in overtime. So for obvious reasons the best players stayed in the game. You really can’t fault the coaches for that. So, late afternoon all of the parents received the weekly email from the team coach saying congratulations on the win and all of the other information that he needs to get out to parents. With an extra line saying, “Tomorrow night at 6:00 pm there will be a meeting with the parents, about many parents complaining about their boys not getting game time”. I’m sure this will not be fun for the coach, but I’m certain he has been down this road before. If you have coached before, and I have, it’s not a fun road.

One thing about football, it is performance oriented. Like most any business or any other sport, performance determines you’re worth. But there is one thing that is bigger than football and football is very big in our country, it’s our life with God. Many that can’t play a sport or don’t feel they are a part of a team, can sometimes feel like they have no worth. But we do! Our walk with God is not performance determined. Our worth in God is found through our relationship in Jesus. If you are feeling you don’t matter, just remember, you do! God doesn’t make mistakes, we do. If you are not in the game and feel like you are sitting on the bench, just remember that God has a place and purpose for your life. Sometimes you will need to go to the coach of life and ask for help! So, don’t hesitate, ask today. There can be a time for you to score, sometimes it’s in overtime!

Football, commitment….where are the dads?

Football is here! I enjoyed the opening season it was awesome. I love football more than golf, but golf doesn’t hurt so I can still play that and be competitive. This past Sunday was fun for me because I’m a die hard San Francisco 49er fan and ready for what looks to be another great season.

I went to lunch with my nephew Tuesday to catch up on his career in coaching. He is an Offensive Coordinator for one of our local high school teams and is doing an outstanding job. He and I have been meeting for the last few years working on his dream and what God’s purpose is in his life, so I guess you could say that I have been coaching him.

As we talked about football and life he mentioned something to me that I just had to put down and share with others. I am in the business of working with men and motivating them to be the man they are called to be along with that includes being a father and leader in their homes.

My nephew said to me, “I feel like I’m coaching a bunch of girls”, I asked why, “they act like girls because they’re being raised by girls, not women, but girls”. I asked him out of all of the kids on the team, how many of them had dads, and told me, “only one”. He told me that he was also, “the only kid that was getting good grades and showed respect for the coaches and didn’t have a filthy mouth.”

Now don’t get me confused with being a person against women, because that is not what this is about. Thank God for mom’s…I think women should have equal rights and it’s not their job to be a father. But this is about absent dads, deadbeat dads, abusive dads, heck, dads that don’t want to take on the responsibility of being a father. My nephew and I both understand the lack of fathering because we both went through it and understand the problems that it has caused in today’s culture. This is a perfect example of what it means to go fatherless.

We are both concerned about the future of football. In our community that happens to be a huge football community we have seen a significant decrease in football participation.  Last year my boy played at another school because only seven kids signed up from his school and there were only three teams in our division as opposed to six or seven in the years past. His middle school is the now the biggest, by the amount of players, in our school district, which was once an average number of kids for all of the middle schools. His school is now playing outside of the district to play other schools with a similar size program.

The NFL has the largest margin of viewership of any sport. It is approximately 48% viewership with the next closet being college basketball at something like 18%. So why is it seemingly slowing down at the grade school and middle school ranks…I’m fairly confident in saying this, a lack of participation from dads. Moms don’t play football. That is not what they are designed to do. Today’s moms are playing the role of dad and mom and the studies are out, it doesn’t work. Mostly because the moms never had dads themselves, so they don’t have a clue what it looks like. It also might be that women aren’t men…just sayin!

I know there are moms out there that are doing a great job and the ones that are struggling is not necessarily their fault. Moms aren’t made to be dads. Boys especially, need a dad or at least a positive male figure constantly in their lives to model how men are to be men, but that positive role model still can not replace a father.

Friends we are beginning to see a generation coming up that will not know how to parent and live under conviction of commitment to a family. It’s seen on the football field, no commitment to team, no commitment to authority and certainly no commitment to sexual behavior and a host of other behaviors.

If you are reading this and you are a dad but no commitment to your kids, family and wife, shame on you! There is no excuse and you know it. I am sick and tired of the crazy stories of “well you don’t understand, she’s _____ and she did____” Look, you married her and said, “For better and for worse”, stand up and be a man or it will get worse!

I work with men at our local mission on a weekly basis. I have been doing it for over ten years now and the stories are almost always the same…98% of the men have no father. 98% of them are always fatherless or have a dad that physically abused them, sexually abused them, neglected them, or gave them their first experience with drugs and sometimes all of the above.

Men, it’s time to step up and be a father. I have made this statement a number of times and I’ll leave you with it. “Any male can be a dad, but it takes a man to be a father”!

Here is some curriculum that our men have used effectively!

http://www.maninthemirror.org

http://www.mensfraternity.com

http://www.battlezoneministries.org

http://www.tonyevans.org http://kingdommanbook.com

What Am I supposed To Do?

“Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it.” – Buddha

After my Saturday round of golf I began my usual, “what ifs”. You know the ones, “what if I would have made that putt and what if I would have not taken the chance on number nine”? I’m always curious about the “what if” I would have played golf as a kid, would I have been good enough to play on the PGA Tour?

But that thought turned into, “What the heck am I going to do now”? I’m over fifty now and have no set career path. I have been in vocational ministry now since 2002 and began the ministry journey in 1996 when I became excited about it with a bunch of high school students at a start up church that I have been a part of since that time. Of course with one three year absence from that community where I worked at another church I went back after some problems that I didn’t want to be a part of anymore.

I have been out of employment since December of 2011, when I was let go for unfamiliar reasons.  This is not the first time I have been jobless though. There have been a few other times, but this time is a lot different. I have had many different opportunities to get out of ministry. I have 25+ years of retail management and ownership experience. So I have had a few different shots at getting back in that arena but every time I go on a job interview strange things happen.

Back a few years ago when I had sold my business, I went back to school to get my seminary degree while working at my old store. It was easy for me since I already knew the business. A friend of mine came into the store to get a stereo installed and he asked if I would be interested in running the golf division of his sporting goods store. I told him that I probably wouldn’t be able to with school and working part time at my church and besides they can’t make that much money anyway? He surprised me with how much they made and I went on an interview for the job and they offered me, not just the golf division but to run a complete sporting goods store. (I’m cutting out a lot of other details so I can get to the point)

I went to the interview which was a few hours north of my home and after a few hours they offered me the job. But, I threw the man who interviewed me a curve ball. I told him that I needed to go home and pray with my wife about it. He was almost in shock. He said, “You want to what…pray…I thought you wanted this job?” I told my story on why and that I would get back to him on Monday.

Monday was here and I prayed with my wife about the position and she said to me, “Greg, I don’t think you should take this job…I just don’t feel right about it”. I mentioned to her that she wouldn’t need to work anymore, but she was sure that it wasn’t right. So I talked with the person Monday and gave them the news after I thanked him and told him why I wouldn’t be taking the position. He abruptly said, “thank you and good bye”.

I went about my day and began the “what ifs”. You know, “What if” I missed out on an opportunity and so on. About four weeks later my wife called me at work and said, “Did you read the paper this morning?” I said, “You know I don’t read the paper, what?” “The company you were going to work for is closing down, they’re going BK…you see God was protecting us.”

Every time I think I need to get out of ministry, another opportunity pops up out of no where. It’s the craziest thing, I have looked at bailing out of ministry four different times and another opportunity will pop up. Every time I have went on an interview when I think it’s time to get out of ministry, an odd situation will take place in order for me to stay focused on what God has in store for my next journey. I could tell you the other situations, but it would take to much space for a blog. So maybe you will be interested in my book, “Seeing God’s Purpose through the Camouflage of Irony”, I have written and will be available soon. It explains in more detail the ironic way God’s will works in our lives as well as the cast of characters in the bible.

I am on my fifth time of going to another vocational ministry interview this Wednesday out of me wanting to throw the towel in after my last job. This job as well as the others came out of Gods creative way of keeping me in the game.

Isn’t it crazy how life comes together sometimes? All of my experience and learning have lead up to this point of my vocational ministry career. God just keeps preparing me for the next task.

If you are like many that are not sure what or where God wants you to be in your career, just remember this, as long as you are seeking Him and serving others, you are in His will and He will reveal your next move unexpectedly. So the “What ifs” become the faith we are called to walk in!

Stay Connected

I woke up extra early Wednesday morning to prepare for our annual Wednesday morning group of men that meet at 6 am which begins in the second week of September and runs into March. We started this group called Men’s Fraternity four years ago with about 120 men. It is a three year curriculum that helps men engage in the quest for “Authentic Manhood”. Its excellent material and we have seen a large number of men’s lives change. But, this morning was different.

We run two different classes on each side of our church. One classroom for each year the men are going through to complete the three year journey. Something that I have learned over the years of facilitating small groups, especially with men, that men need to be invited personally and from someone they can trust.

Like I said, this morning was different. Only seven men showed up plus the two facilitators for the groups. A huge difference since we normally have an average of 60 men. Two things happened that I realized once I left and went home to get my kids to school and get ready for work. While I was putting, (Oh, I forgot to mention that I stopped at the golf course to putt for a few minutes) so, while I was putting, I began missing to the left, and when I would correct it, I began to push everything to the right. I noticed as I became aware of what I was doing, I was moving the putter on an incorrect path.

I stopped for a second and remembered what I had been doing, and it’s a bad habit I tend to fall into frequently. That habit is not staying connected. In order for my putts to drop like I want them to, I need to be aware of the connection of my left bicep staying connected to my left pec and the back of my left hand pointing at the target. After I had remembered what I was doing wrong, I corrected it and the putts were rolling in.

Then it struck me like a flood. The thought of the men that were not connected to a small group, accountability partner or some kind of a mentor is the problem. Now, I realize men have to tend to work, family and other activities that their kids are involved in that seem to suck the other part of life away. But one reason we guys don’t do small groups, bible studies and meet with other men on a spiritual level is we don’t see it as a priority. We know it’s important, but we must not think it’s a priority. Now that’s a problem. Like our golf swing, we need to be coached in order to get better, or in this case, to grow spiritually.

One problem Jesus saw in His disciples as well as the rest of us, is that most people do not make it a priority to stay connected with others and worse the connection with Jesus. Since Jesus is the creator of life and came to give us life, why wouldn’t we want to stay connected to Him and others to move ahead in life?

It’s a lot like the shows we watch about wild life or the National Geographic documentaries. You know the ones, where the Zebras are all together grazing when suddenly a Lion comes out of hiding and begins chasing the pack of Zebras. Suddenly one Zebra breaks away by itself and the Lion pursues it because now it has no protection. The Lion chases it down until it falls prey to the Lion’s strength and stamina.

One thing about sin, it has strength and stamina. It will continue to pursue you as you begin to get away from the tribe of men that would have protected you through prayer and encouragement. In the book of James he says this to his readers in chapter 5 verse 16, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective”. I know for a lot of men, this is very uncomfortable. But look at the last two words in the verse, “powerful and effective.” There is prevailing power in intercessory prayer and power in numbers. Just read what the wisest man ever said about the power of numbers in Ecclesiastes 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

So, I would like to leave you with a challenge today. What are you going to do about your priorities…what is it going to take in order to get them order? Let me give you a hint, the time is NOW! Don’t ever wait. There may not be a tomorrow!

Finish the race!

Monday was just another example how hard it is to win on the PGA Tour. I really thought that Tiger Woods was going to come thorugh with one of his miraculous endings, and he nearly did. With Rory McIlroy and Louis Oosthuizen struggling to finish, I thought, “It’s gonna happen again, Tiger’s gonna win!” This time Rory finished enough to capture the win. Tiger has won many times just because the others couldn’t seem to finish or “close the deal”.

Golf has so many similarities to life. On the PGATour, it’s difficult to win and very difficult to be leading a tournament knowing that Tiger is lurking. There is a particular mindset that sets the winners apart from the others. I believe almost every one of the PGATour players are capable of wining, but what sets the winners apart from the rest of the field. Sometimes players get streaky and win, but most of the players set themselves up to win.

Just like our walk in life, even when we are winning, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8. Just the same when Tiger is in the hunt on the PGA and guys know it, they fumble and it can cost them the tournament. You may have been in a situation recently that involved fighting off the enemy. You were doing well and the next thing you know you fell victim to sin.

Rory still fought his way into victory. He found away to adjust his thinking to recover from his bad shots, to bring home the victory. Many of us fall regularly. Why is that?
It is all about our thinking. The bible says in Psalms 23:7 “As a man thinks, so is he” How are you thinking? Tour players learn to rethink and process the game differently than the average armature. They have to practice differently and train their minds to think differently to achieve the game they are looking for. In the book of Romans 12:2 “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.” There is a ton of verbs and nouns to unpack in this verse, but let’s just stick to our theme, renewing our minds.

In order to finish well, we will need to change our thinking. One of the principles that I teach, as well as other teachers of the game, is to have a balanced finish. Think about having a good finish is a key swing thought. Believe it or not, it will help you concentrate on having a good swing when you think of the finish. Now that is going to take time and training to “renew” your mind to think that way.

If you want to have a better finish in your walk with God or just have a better finish in life you will need to begin the discipline of “renewing” your mind and begin filling it with words and healthy situations that will cause your character to grow and become fruitful. Our job as humanity should be to bring goodness and peace to a hurting world. I want to finish well, how about you?